Speedweeks Pledge
I, Babs, dedicated fan of Matt Kenseth, do solemnly swear to watch every moment of televised Speedweeks. To wear my new Matt Kenseth shirt during the entirety of said "Speedweeks", with the exception depending upon the timing of it's arrival. If said shirt is not at my apartment by the beginning of "Speedweeks", I will switch to my back-up older Matt shirt to be worn at all times until the arrival of the new shirt. The shirt will not be washed until after the running of the Daytona 500, as the washing of laundry might interfere with watching every moment of "Speedweeks".
While watching "Speedweeks", I will keep my butt firmly planted on the couch and may select the option of the recliner without being sent to the tail end of the longest line for swapping equipment. I will have the option for bathroom breaks as Depends are not sanctioned by my governing body. I will stock my pantry and fridge in advance with the provisions necessary for "Speedweeks". I will hang a sign on my front door stating, "Do not disturb, watching NASCAR Speedweeks" so I will not be approached by fans while on the track during this important event.
While watching "Speedweeks", I will select from the following actions every time he who shall not be named on this blog is on or is mentioned on TV: rolling of the eyes, imitation of the whiner's voice during interviews, shouting out "who freakin' cares?" when his name is mentioned, muting the TV, going to the bathroom, dusting my ceiling, fridge run or simply sarcastic remarks.
And most important, I will root, cheer, scream and raise general hoopla for my driver, the great Matt Kenseth. I will rewind every interview and watch it several times until completely satisfied that I caught every dry remark or rolling of the eyes towards the media. Except when he wears those damn sunglasses and I cannot see his eyes and judge his mood. I will bow down to my TV and scream "I'm not worthy" every time Matt is shown. I will listen to his scanner during all races. I will curse at certain drivers that get even close to him on the track or off the track.
And this, is my "Speedweeks" Pledge.
While watching "Speedweeks", I will keep my butt firmly planted on the couch and may select the option of the recliner without being sent to the tail end of the longest line for swapping equipment. I will have the option for bathroom breaks as Depends are not sanctioned by my governing body. I will stock my pantry and fridge in advance with the provisions necessary for "Speedweeks". I will hang a sign on my front door stating, "Do not disturb, watching NASCAR Speedweeks" so I will not be approached by fans while on the track during this important event.
While watching "Speedweeks", I will select from the following actions every time he who shall not be named on this blog is on or is mentioned on TV: rolling of the eyes, imitation of the whiner's voice during interviews, shouting out "who freakin' cares?" when his name is mentioned, muting the TV, going to the bathroom, dusting my ceiling, fridge run or simply sarcastic remarks.
And most important, I will root, cheer, scream and raise general hoopla for my driver, the great Matt Kenseth. I will rewind every interview and watch it several times until completely satisfied that I caught every dry remark or rolling of the eyes towards the media. Except when he wears those damn sunglasses and I cannot see his eyes and judge his mood. I will bow down to my TV and scream "I'm not worthy" every time Matt is shown. I will listen to his scanner during all races. I will curse at certain drivers that get even close to him on the track or off the track.
And this, is my "Speedweeks" Pledge.
posted by at 2/04/2008 08:54:00 PM
2 Comments:
I pledge to have my Jimmie Johnson Voodoo doll handy at the beginning of every race. I also pledge NOT to worry 'bout my Babs as much as long as she keeps better in touch!!!
Now THAT is a true race fan. You go and enjoy!
And I pledge that even though your driver is among my second favorites, I will not mention his name in reviewing or previewing races on my blog for fear of jinxing him.
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